![]() ![]() The man looks around, sees nothing, and returns to his drink, thinking nothing more of it.īut then, a moment later, the voice returns, this time offering:Īgain, the man looks around, sees nothing, and returns to his drink, wondering if he should get checked out by a professional. A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink.Īs he sits there, thinking about his day, he hears a high-pitched voice say: Hey, that’s neat – says the bartender – Where did you get that?įrance – the kitty says – They’ve got millions of them! Classic & Hilarious Bar Jokesġ6. The cat is wearing a little baseball cap. A French man walks into a bar with a cat on his shoulder. The mushroom looks taken aback and says: Why? I’m a fun guy.ġ5. A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink, but the bartender yells at him to get out before he stinks up the place. The gorilla replies: Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain’t coming back, either.ġ4. The bartender says: You know, we don’t get too many gorillas in here. The bartender thinks to himself how this gorilla doesn’t know the prices of drinks and gives him 15 cents change. The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill. A gorilla walks into a bar and says: A scotch on the rocks, please. Hey, I’ve got a great new joke for you! – the barman says.ġ3. A crab walks into a bar and says: I’ll have a pint, please, but I’d like to be compensated with ten bottles of champagne if I’m not satisfied with it. The bartender says: So, that’ll be two bloods and a blood lite?ġ1. The third one says: I’ll have a pint of plasma. The first one says: I’ll have a pint of blood. Did you really think I wanted a twelve-inch pianist? Suddenly, the bar is filled with ducks, bursting from the door and windows, standing on top of the bar, dunking their heads into people’s drinks. The man thinks and says: I wish I had a million bucks. The genie tells the man he has but one wish in a booming voice. The man rubs the bottle, and to his amazement, a puff of purple smoke spews out and slowly collects in the form of a genie. The friend pulls out an old lamp and tells him the genie inside will grant him one wish. A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. An oxymoron walks into a bar, and the sound is deafening.ĩ. The bartender eventually walked up, gave them two pints, and said: You mathematicians don’t know your limits.Ĩ. The first ordered a pint the second ordered half a pint the third ordered one fourth of a pint, etc. An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The screwdriver answers, shocked: You have a drink named Philip?Ħ. The bartender says: Hey, we have a drink named after you! ![]() He then takes the last shot in the row and does the same.Īnd the guy replies: Well, the first shot always tastes like crap, and the last one always makes me sick! The bartender sets him up, and the guy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. A guy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of their finest single malt scotch. ![]() The first one says: It sure is hot in here.Ĥ. The past, present, and future walk into a bar. The man takes another look at the meat and says: I think I’ll pass. If you miss even one, you pay for everyone else’s drinks for the rest of the night. The bartender says: You get free drinks for an hour if you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once. He asks the bartender: What’s with the meat? As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.
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